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Sunday, May 29, 2005

100 Things About Me

Since I do not post very often, do to a lack of what I deem to be interesting subject matter, Jessica Rabbit has suggested that I make a list of 100 things about myself. So sit back, relax, and prepare to be assaulted by that which is the Bobblehead.

  1. I enjoy stinky things like skunks and egg farts, but I can't stand the smell of fat person b.o.
  2. I rip ass all the time, I'm just really sneaky about it sometimes.
  3. I have manners, just a different version.
  4. I have never owned a vehicle built after I was born.
  5. I have owned 4 cars and 2 trucks.
  6. I still have 1 car and both trucks, only one of the 3 runs.
  7. At one point I owned 5 vehicles, all of which didn't run.
  8. Not having a functioning vehicle freaks me out.
  9. I can rationalize owning a half dozen different vehicles.
  10. I hate car dealerships and their mechanics.
  11. I own automotive tools that were built in the 60's.
  12. I have no brand name loyalty when it comes to cars and trucks, they all have their strengths and weaknesses.
  13. I prefer IHRA over NASCAR. Actually, NASCAR just sucks.
  14. I will never buy a Mustang or a Camaro. Ever.
  15. I hate "tuners".
  16. I define hillbilly and redneck as two entirely different things.
  17. I am not a redneck.
  18. I smoked for 10 years or so.
  19. I quit over 2 years ago.
  20. My hands have a mind of their own.
  21. I love boobs.
  22. I love hiney.
  23. I cant control myself from squeezing JR's boobs and hiney. I have no shame about this, as it happens in public. Alot.
  24. I too, am a pervert, and have had several 3-somes.
  25. JR will fuck your girlfriend, and I'll help.
  26. I am a "boner donor".
  27. I suffer from " protien deficeincy", and a shortage of post-it notes.
  28. I've done naughty things in dark rooms at parties while listening to people looking for me.
  29. I will walk around in public with a big red kiss print on my forehead, then I'll stare at you like your fuckin' goofy.
  30. I constantly have grease in my hair, actually it's Groom & Clean.
  31. JR dyes my hair for me.
  32. The guy I have cut my hair is almost 70. He has a lazy eye and he shaves the back of my neck with a straight razor.
  33. I prefer the old two sided safety razors versus all these new multi-blade deals.
  34. I have 10 tattoos and plan on getting alot more.
  35. None of them are from flash off the wall.
  36. I have a spider named Fred tattooed on my foot.
  37. I have no piercing except for my ears, which at one point I gauged them out to 7/16ths of an inch.
  38. I will never get my dick pierced. It's big enough already.
  39. I have been intentionally burned with red hot steel.
  40. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
  41. That was back when I had a big purple mohawk.
  42. I horde things. All sorts of things, canned goods, car parts, you name it. I once had 4 milk crates filled entirely with ramen noodles.
  43. Sometimes I am obsessed about organizing things.
  44. I enjoy cleaning.
  45. If I need something done, and I don't know how to do it, I'll learn how to do it.
  46. I have been told I'm a workaholic.
  47. I don't think thats a bad thing, I'm just motivated.
  48. Speaking of being motivated... I love coffee or maybe it's just the caffine talking.
  49. I never miss work or take "sick days" unless I'm really, really ill and JR holds me down and makes me stay home. She always takes good care of me.
  50. I've worked at the same place for almost 10 years.
  51. I don't like working overtime.
  52. I would rather do something myself than pay someone else to do it for me.
  53. I prefer quality over quantity. That goes for girls, tools, and many other things.
  54. 5 of our 12 cats are mine. Bobbles and Eleven are traitors.
  55. I constantly threaten to eat the cats with a little teriyaki sauce. That's probly why some of them always smell like they peed on themselves.
  56. I really like meat. Beef, turkey, chicken, fish, rabbit, no pork though. Pork is just fuckin' nasty. Anyway, isn't human the other white meat?
  57. I love to use my grill. It makes me really happy.
  58. I prefer charcoal over gas any day.
  59. Most of my clothes consist of jeans, t-shirts, and work uniforms.
  60. I have something like 72 pairs of socks. All the same kind.
  61. I love the feeling of a brand new pair of socks.
  62. I have 100's of car magazines and their all organized in binders.
  63. I enjoy welding.
  64. I would love to have a custom car shop. Like a personal paradise. With no morons.
  65. I have a small collection of belt buckles. 6 so far.
  66. I have a guitar and a bass, neither of which I am very good at.
  67. I used to ride a skateboard in a red plaid skirt with no drawers on.
  68. I enjoy shitty B-movies. I find the low-buck effects more interesting, and seriously who can pass on cheesy story lines and shitty plots?
  69. Disney movies annoy me.
  70. I don't practice any form of religion.
  71. I don't like christmas.
  72. I hate junkies, crackheads, alcoholics, and "born agains".
  73. I love the Munsters and all sorts of old horror movies.
  74. I collect various sizes of die cast and model cars, and I play with them all.
  75. I have never flown in a airplane.
  76. I've never been outside the U.S., except for Canada, which I don't really count as a foreign country.
  77. I carry a machete in my truck, cause you never know when you'll run across a pack of zombies. What? It could happen.
  78. I often can not stop from taunting JR with "Watcha gonna do about it?", then find out that the answer is indeed pinches.
  79. She offered to stop the pinches all together, but I declined because I would miss them.
  80. I have no desire to have children. We have a catch and release program.
  81. I have no interest in main stream society, what's fashionable, or what's trendy.
  82. I don't like Elvis, nor do I look like him.
  83. I find Elvis impersonators amusing.
  84. It's taken me 2 days to go this far on this list.
  85. I type really slow.
  86. I'm not very computer friendly.
  87. I hate my neighbors.
  88. I would like to live on the outskirts of a town kind of in the country.
  89. I don't what to get ass-probed.
  90. Yes, I believe in aliens. They're perverts too.
  91. I like to experiment and see what the cats will eat. Wobbles likes the lime popsicles, and Weebles likes toes.
  92. I have driven over the longest bridge in the world. It's only 2 lanes wide.
  93. I like drawing and designing things.
  94. I am Principal Nick. Watch out for spin the bottle.
  95. I once made out with 5 girls at the same time. Two of them were sisters.
  96. I grew up in Wisconsin, as did JR.
  97. JR and I have the same age difference as my parents.
  98. JR got me addicted to sushi.
  99. It wasn't me, it was the one armed man.
  100. I have the best girlfriend in the world.

So there it is. A hundred things about me. The bad thing is I actually forgot about some of this and JR reminded me. It's the effects of the protien defiency.

greasemonkey1320 at 3:44 AM

8 People who tried the chili

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Vermin

If our cats were transformers...they'd be retardicons.

greasemonkey1320 at 6:09 AM

4 People who tried the chili

Monday, May 23, 2005

Pre-summer Ramblings

I'm glad that it's finally starting to stay nice outside. I got to use my grill on Saturday. I love the smell of meat cooking over open flames. No gas grills either. Nope, gotta go with the charcoal. Maybe a little hickory chips sometimes. I think using gas takes all the fun and skill out of grilling. I mean what's the point if you can set your grill to exactly 375 degrees? If you're gonna do that you might as well go and stand in front of your stove, or maybe just microwave something. It's relaxing for me, I just get to sit back and listen to the meat sizzle. Hanging out in the back yard, sitting in the sun, not being at work.

I like it where the weather starts getting nice. Everyone in town starts bringing their cars out of hiding. Some of them really kickass, some look like they've had there asses kicked, and every once in awhile you see something unique. Something outta the norm. Something that isn't a late 60's camaro with a small block chevy or mustang with a 5.0 liter. Today I saw and nice lookin' Willy's sitting in a parking lot on the way home from the movies. A couple minutes later I saw a mid 80's s-10 done up all pro-street. No hood, big-as-shit supercharger sticking up in front of the windsheild, and a pair of the biggest tires I've seen in awhile tucked under the ass end. These tires had to be at least 18 or 20 inches wide. It looked kinda rednecky , but mean at the same time. A few years ago I had the fortune of running into a guy with a Henry J. It was cool, I had never actually seen one in person before. Very impressive. I've even seen a couple of old hotrods this year. One was driven by a guy who had to be in his 70's. Nothing real fancy or shiny, but a more bare-bones approach.

Seeing all this makes me wish I had my other truck here to work on from time to time. Something that isn't my current means of transport for work. It's hard as hell to work on something where it has to be operational in the next 24 hours. Kinda takes all the fun out of it. Too much added pressure and stress. I got enough stress at work. I like to take my time and do shit right. Instead of getting rushed and making simple mistakes that cause bigger problems and bigger headaches later on. If you need instant gradification that bad, maybe it's time to mow the lawn or do some dishes. All I need to do now is figure out how to squeeze 26 or 28 hours into a day.No more 24 hours days. That would give me enough time to get a few extra things done. That would make things alot simpler. Well, for me at least, everybody else would just have to deal with it. It wouldn't be that bad, it would be like when they set the clocks ahead and we get screwed out of an hours sleep. And tell me, how kick ass would it be to have a clock with a big number 13 on the top. Damn, this is some good shit. I'll have to remember this when I run for president. President of the World!

greasemonkey1320 at 2:18 AM

7 People who tried the chili

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

We're Baaack!

So, now we are back from our weekend adventure. The drive up wasn't too bad 'cept for getting lost thanks to those high-ass fuckheads over at Map Quest. Seriously, if omitting an exit will send your ass to the other side of the state, maybe they should have made some mention of it. The traffic wasn't to bad though. The quarry we had to go past was a different story. You get to drive pretty close to the edge of the quarry. Close enough to almost see the bottom, which scared the shit outta JR. Stuff like that really doesn't bother me. I kind of find it interesting and enjoyable to look at.

I got to drive a newer Chevy Tahoe for this trip, since JR's car decided to go on strike a couple days before we left. I don't really have any interest in new vehicles, but this one wasn't to bad. It got good gas milage, which was okay with me. There was this sticker on the back of it though that was almost unbarable. It said "I heart My Pomerainian". Now how manly is that? Yea, I like little dogs too... I like them for footballs or with teriyaki on'em. It even had this sissy little silohuette of one of the dogs on it. At least there weren't any gawdy seat covers or anything else of the sort.

It was pretty late by the time we made it up there. So we didn't get to do much except go to the motel and make ourselves comfortable. JR made herself really comfortable in the jacuzzi tub with a little bubble bath action. The room was pretty big with a big ass king sized bed. Perfect for disturbing the old people in the room next to us. There was even a fake fireplace/heater in the corner, which looked really cool with the lights turned out. Aahh, spankin' hiney by the light of the artificial fire. Sounds like a good place to start the weekend, but this is all for now considering the sun is starting to rise. There will be more hot action to talk about later on.

greasemonkey1320 at 4:52 AM

5 People who tried the chili


One of many souviners we brought back from our trip.That and many treasurable mammaries. Oops... I mean memories. Posted by Hello

greasemonkey1320 at 4:51 AM

2 People who tried the chili

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Odds & Ends of the Week

It's been awhile since I've lasted posted, so I suppose it's about time. Not alot of interesting things going on except for our upcoming trip, which will be fun. Meeting new people is always good. Well, unless they're brain-dead temps at my job. This trip should be nice and relaxing though.
This week has definitely has had it's moments. Saturday JR's car broke down.May be something simple, may be something serious. Once I get to scan it I'll have a better idea of whats up. I'm not real fond of "computer controlled" anything, but it does make trouble shootin' these new cars alot easier. At the same time it kinda takes the "fun" out of it. Well, actually it just gets replaced with a different kind of fun. Fun like :"Jesus Christ! How the fuck is yer hand supposed to fit in there!",and don't forget "Shit, How'em I gonna get my hand outta this?" I wouldn't give up working on cars though, it feels good to do something yourself.
Mothers Day was good. We got our favorite burgers from a local restuarant. Nice and charred over hickery coals. My mom loved the hair combs that JR found for her. The one set has cameos on them and the other set has purple/ lavender jewels.
Monday and Tuesday was pretty much just the same shit different day routine. Today was more entertaining though. You see, when I say the people I work with are retarded, I'm not joking. One of the "special" ones decided today that it was up to him to say what MY job is, and what MY responsibilities are. I found this very amusing, since this guy is the fattest, laziest piece of shit I've had to work with in awhile. Let me describe the ranking order of my job if we were on Star Trek( original series, not that deep space/voyager shit). My boss would be Capt. Kirk, I would be Spock, the maintenance man/most kick ass hillbilly I know would be Scotty, and this other lazy p.o.s. guy would be the nameless, no-badge havin' loser who has to clean up all the Tribble shit. So I of course did the most logical thing and came up with several snappy insults to amuse myself. Example: He says it's not his job to be a material handler/drive around and move lumber with a forklift. My response : So what does that make him? A 300 pound paper weight to keep the forklift from blowing away. Seriously, I've never understood the problem of going to work and doing your job. Shit, you gotta do something to kill the time. Either that or practice lookin' busy. I already got a masters degree in educated guessing.
The finishing touch for the day was the free chips that were left for the workers. Mmm, nice salty chips. Everyone loves chips. Until they turn over the bag and realize that the chips were made with Olestra! Oh yeah, anal leakage! Let's do the math here. 26 workers + 2 restrooms = a whole lot of "dancing".
Well that's all I got for now. Now it's off to feed extras to the tar monster.

greasemonkey1320 at 4:34 AM

3 People who tried the chili

Friday, May 06, 2005

Turd in a Punchbowl

Apparently I've been tagged by this "Turd in a Punchbowl"phenomenom. So, here is my shot at it.

Turd in a punchbowl
The water's like glass
Turd in a punchbowl
It's really cold when it
splashes my ass

Turd in a punchbowl
Oh god, what's that smell
Turd in a punchbowl
My nose burns like hell

Turd in a punchbowl
It's giving me fits
Turd in a punchbowl
Damn antibiotics gave me the shits

Turd in a punchbowl
I thought it was gas
Turd in a punchbowl
Now I'm blowin' fire outta my ass!

Yeah, go ahead and challenge me to write poems about asses, fartin', and poo. I've got a lot of material on this subject matter. Most of my day at work is spent indescimanantly farting on unsuspecting people. You could probly call it a drive by farting. My aim is deadly.

greasemonkey1320 at 9:25 PM

4 People who tried the chili

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

greasemonkey1320 at 1:40 PM

4 People who tried the chili

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Woo Hoo!

JR said there was a surprize for me when I got home. I had no idea what it could be. I sure wasn't expecting to have a fancy new template for my log. This just really kicks ass! I have to say thanks to Kristine for the fantastic job. JR always has the best suprizes for me. She just rocks so much! The lettering on the header rocks. Makes me think of the music from the movie "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". Man, this is so cool. No more boring asswood for me. I love the background of the header too. I think those were the two best belt buckles to use. It puts out just the right vibe for me. Makes it seem so warm and inviting, for some trouble that is. Gee, I wonder where I could find some of that?

greasemonkey1320 at 3:28 AM

5 People who tried the chili