Wednesday, December 14, 2005
#*@!#*@!
Today just started out so fucking shitty. Plain and simple. Last night the furnace started acting up. This morning I wake up at nine o'clock in the morning to a balmy fifty eight degree room temperature. I call over a friend of mine that has been doing maintanace for most of his life. We sit down and try to figure what the problem is. We find that the ignition source isn't working anymore. At this point in time he has no place to get parts from. So, I am left with no option but to call a repairman/parts dealer. One of the many types of "professionals" that I can't stand. They are right up their with automechanics. Tighten and loosen a few spare parts. One thing's fixed, another falls apart.So, this guy is sitting in my basement working on my furnace. Now, for some unknown reason, he starts giving me his shitty two-bit advice about how I should go about repairs in MY house. About what I should be doing to take care of things in MY house. Then he starts telling me how I should get a second job and how J.R. needs to start working so we can buy a $2,500 furnace. At this point I start getting agitated. Fucking pissed off. Who is this guy trying to tell me what to do with my life? I wonder if he thinks what he is doing is a good idea. Is he so oblivious that he never realizes that this shit might piss someone off ? I wonder how safe he feels at this moment. I wonder if it might dawn on his that I might be offended and plant my boot squarely in his ass. I doubt he does.
After being two hours late and only working for half an hour, he removes a part the size of a pack of cigarettes. Apparently, this part costs upwards of $150 and is hard to find, but it just so happens that he has a spare used one in his truck. Lucky me, yeah right. He decides to be a swell guy and give it to me at a discounted price of seventy five dollars. Wow again, lucky me. This asshole is so fucking full of bullshit that it seeps out his ears. Add to that his service fees and the wages I lost waiting for this prick, and you have a total of about two hundred bucks. I hope he enjoys the extra income from his discounted parts sales. I hope he goes out, buys a hooker, catches herpes, and his cock rots off.
I feel better now, and I didn't even have to labotamize anyone.
greasemonkey1320 at 4:33 AM
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Really Cold, Lotta Snow, Gonna Make Some Yellow Snow
Eleven more days until is technically winter, and we've already had a week straight of below freezing temps and sub-zero windchills. Now we have something like six or eight inches of snow sitting on the ground. Yep, I can't wait til winter gets here. My feet still haven't thawed out from Tuesday night! I think it's time to get some insulated winter boots. Especially since when it gets real cold out, I end up being the one who gets to do the outside stuff. And let me tell you steel toe Redwings are not the best choice for keeping you toes happy. The steel toe tends to radiate the cold right into your feet. I think I should get some of those boot cleats too. I think I've fallen half a dozen times this week. The worst though is when you start to fall and try to correct yourself and over compensate. Twist you ankle, pop your knee, wrench your back, and give yourself whiplash. It would probly be less painful if you just finished falling. Ah, then I would probly break my tail bone and have to run around with one of those butt doughnuts. Yeah that would be sexy.This weekend is going to be well enjoyed by not freezing my ass off. The only thing I really need to do outside is fix J.R.'s tire and check the rest of them out. That won't be to bad since I have a wood stove in the garage, and I'll take the tire to a shop and have some one else peel the old tire off. I've tried to take tires off the rims by myself before. Talk about a pain in the ass. Those bead breakers that some auto parts places sell are a joke. More like ball breakers. I just find it faster to go to a tire shop and spend the five bucks to get it mounted and balanced. Actually I think they gouge you for something like fifteen or twenty bucks per tire now. And just for you information, if the tire guy asks you if you want you tire balanced statically or dynamically, always go with dynamic. It tends to be more accurate. Another thing to watch out for is the "tire guy" himself, who will probly turn out to be a "tire kid". More like a "tired kid" with glassy eyes and a bad case of the munchies. Well, at least they will give you a "lifetime" warranty on the balancing, you know, in the event that a certain some one forgot to attached the tire weights properly.
But, enough of that for now. It's time to defrost my toes under a nice warm puppy.
greasemonkey1320 at 12:55 AM
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Favorite Words
Today I got into a dicussion about "big words" with one of the tards at work. He asked me if there were any fancy words that I knew. I told him the word impetus. He of course asks me what that is. It's an impelling force I tell him. He is clearly drawing a blank on this one. So I explain it to him in an easy to understand fashion. It's my foot up your ass.greasemonkey1320 at 4:53 AM
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
People for the Eating of Tasty Animals or People Eaten as Tasty Appetizers
Tonight's sub zero wind chills require me to pull out the heavy duty gear. Oh yeah, that's right, it's my big fuzzy hat. This hat rocks and is incredibly warm. It's even convertible.
The sides untie and unfold to cover my ears and cheeks. The back comes down so far that I can tuck it under the collar of my coat. When I wear this hat out in public, I always get people that give me weird looks. Sometimes a witless comment or two. Today was one of those days.
So I'm wearing my hat, being warm, and minding my own. All of a sudden this dumbass feels the need to proclaim to me that he is a member of PETA. I instinctively start to chuckle. Wow, I think , this guy and Pam Anderson are gonna save some chickens from the colonel. This guy starts going on about how could I wear fur and blah blah blah, yackity schmackity. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that my hat is made from fur? Rabbit fur to be specific. So this guy is giving me shit and asks me how I can wear something made from something so adorable? Simple. I couldn't find a fur lined hat made out of people. That one shut him up and seemed to confuse him a little. You know it would just end up smelling like hairy ass anyway, and who wants that wrapped around their head?Now I'm not saying that I'm the kind of person who runs over furry critters in my big bad monster truck for shits and giggles. Besides, everyone knows thats what pedestrians are for. I'm just not that kind of guy that goes all crackpot and runs around protesting every little thing where an animal may at some point suffer or die. I lived on a farm for several years and butchered various animals for food. I don't really think there is a need to test eyeliner on cats, but using rats and mice for medical reseach is something I can agree with. I'm just realistic about things I guess. Some of their issues just seem a bit out there at times. One thing that gets me are the ones that bitch about how cruel it is killing animals while sucking on a big bloody steak. Fucking hipocrites. What do they want to do? Massage the cows to death? Give the chickens a neck rub until they give up the will to live? What's next? Will they want to have mass funerals at slaughter houses? I just seems like there are more important things to be concerned about.
So, let's just recap for a second. I eat meat and wear leather. Plain and simple. So don't try and lay some guilt trip bullshit on me, it just gives me another opportunity to says something that will offend you even further.
greasemonkey1320 at 5:12 AM
Friday, December 02, 2005
Boogergate: Day Two
So it's day two of the new flesh wound. It's doing good so far and the flap of skin is still holding in place. The glue that the doctor used is starting to turn a kind of yellow color now. It still doesn't hurt, which is good. However, it is starting to itch like hell. Especially in the crease of the behind my nostril. I also noticed that there is a cut inside my nose, that one isn't real bad and only bled for a little while yesterday. But enough of this boogery banter for now. There are other more interesting topics to talk about. Such as demolition derbys.
While at work today I noticed that in certain areas of the yard the forklifts have shit for traction, which gave me a brilliant idea. Demo derby on ice! Ooh yeah, just the thought of all the spinning out of control carnage makes me grin from ear to ear. Imagine taking a nice level ten or twelve acre field and having the fire department hose it down right before it freezes outside. Add in a bunch of full framed land barges. Hand out the studded tires and re-enforce the bumpers. Slap on yer mittens and helmet. To make this really exciting we will need to have certain requirements. Like get the biggest damn engine you can get your filthy frozen hands on. No sissy 350's or pansy ass 5.0's. I'm talking about 500 cubic inch caddys preferably with some nice speed parts and a blower or nitrous. Really, what fun would it be without retardedly obscene amounts of horsepower?Man, I can see the 6,000 pound doughnuts of destruction in my head. Headers spewing flames ten feet into the air. I guess you won't really have to worry about being cold, cause you know at some point the cars will catch fire. I think it would make a good team or tandem car event. Tie two cars together at the ass end and make them work in unison. That would make for some very interesting chain reactions. Ideas are just flying into my head now. I guess I've found something good about it being winter, and it looks like shit gettin' fucked up!
greasemonkey1320 at 5:07 AM
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Discount Rhinoplasty or No More Magic Nose Goblins
So as many of you have heard, I took a broom to the nose. A little bit of nostril rearranging. It's not all that bad though. It could have been worse. Fortunately, I still had my safety glasses on from being at work. It's kind of weird how I manage to survive 12 hours at work without injury but hurt myself shortly after I get home. Above is a picture of what it looks like now.
In an odd coincidence, the only thing that makes injured noses better is fresh brownies. Baked goods always make the pain go away. But if for some reason it starts to hurt again, we will have to up the dosage to blueberry muffins. That's bound to work.greasemonkey1320 at 4:26 AM