Friday, February 24, 2006
Pass Me the Remote
Here at the ole hillbilly homestead we don't have a cement pond, but we do have satellite television. 150 plus channels to choose from. Now this would tend to make one assume that there is a vast selection of progams to watch at any given time of day. I thought that this would be great since I work second shift and the local stations cut out around one or two in the morning. It was real nice at first. TVland always had something funny on, and if not, you could go to Nick@Nite. Maybe an educational show on National Geographic or a tantalizing bit on the History Channel. There was always something on that would peak my interest or tickle my funny bone. Then the bastards started changing everything around.First, I Dream of Genie went from color to black and white, Bewitched went from black and white to color. Then they started replacing decent programs with annoying shit like Roseanne.
Next entire stations dropped out at two o'clock to broadcast paid program bullshit. Who the hell wants a Magic Bullet anyway!? Then we got Mr. Ron Popeil. I'd like to set and forget his infomercials. Unless he's gonna stick his head in that oven, I don't even want to see his face on the screen.
At this point I'm grateful I have not seen anymore of those commercials with that old man and his juicer. That guy sticks anything and everything in that damn juicer. You know some day he's gonna snap. He'll start juicing his dirty sweat socks with broccoli and carrots. Next he'll be tossing in brussel sprouts and get his hand run through the machine. The crazy old bastard would probly keep going. Maybe even toss back a belt of his own bloody appendage smoothy. I could just hear him remarking on how much protein it has. I got to give the guy a thumbs up on those eyebrows though. Looks like those caterpillars could take over the rest of his face at any time.
Maybe I should call complain about the lousy program selections. Send them a couple tons of letters requesting more quality and less bullshit. Send them a emails until their hard drives melt. They would probly still blow me off. Bastards. Be a day late on that bill though, and they are on you like stink on shit.
I have discovered that people who get to see prime time television are also bombarded with a non-stop stream of crap. Apparently there is some show on now called Dancing with the Stars? What is this garbage? A bunch of F rate celebrity hosiers that can't dance. Oh the joy that must bring. I'm sure that this next season of Who wants to Marry A Big Brother Ugly Duck Wife Swap Survivor will be the one show that everyone will want to watch. Or maybe the last nail in the reality T.V. coffin. I can only hope.
greasemonkey1320 at 4:49 AM
6 People who found a peppercorn
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at 8:45 AM
Katy Barzedor said... Ummm....I, for one, would like to know more about this Magic Bullet.
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at 6:23 PM
I'm not here. said...
Magic bullet?
They don't show it being used, do they?!
I'm repulsed, terrified, yet cannot turn away from the carnage they call television nowadays.
I, too, am confused by Dancing with the Stars. What's the point? Do they raise money for charity for doing this crap?
No. It's a full-out ego orgy.
:::goes off to take her meds:::-
at 9:58 PM
Zombie_Flyboy said...
I have to admit, I am a fan of gadgets. I think the magic bullet looks kind of shitty, but the George Foreman grill has been a blessing to my horrible, rotten life.
The juicer is good too. Especially when you use small children. Soon, I will have a set of mighty eyebrows, mightier even, than the Rabbit's breasts.
Mwah ha ha.
Ron Popiel can suck my giant slalom. I will never forgive him for unleashing spray on hair upon America.-
at 10:24 PM
greasemonkey1320 said...
Bucky- I don't think it's the same kind of magic bullet you're think of, but it still might work for things other than it's intended pervert...I mean purpose.
Momentarily Distracted- Oh yeah, they show it being used, and boy oh boy, are they excited. Only charity these "stars" are dancing for is their ego.
Zombie- I too am a fan of gadgets, and must sadly admit that somewhere in my basement, I have one of those cursed rotisserie ovens. My parents for some unknow reason felt that I must have this modern marvel in my life. I have yet to use it and probly never will. Spray on hair, why does that make me think of merkins?-
at 7:05 AM
Katy Barzedor said...
Wait, did somebody say MERKIN?
Do me, do me, do meeeeeee! I want a pussy toupee!-
at 11:56 PM
Zombie_Flyboy said...
So then would there be jerkin' on the merkin'?
I'm not sure what it is you kids do today, what with all of your sex games and the MTV.