Thursday, June 22, 2006
3rd post in a month. I better pace myself.
Posting for me is becoming sporadic at best. I think it has to do with the winning combo of disabled vehicles, backed up chores and that recurring work thing news though. The truck is fixed after about $250 in parts and a couple weekends of wrenching. Two of my most hated repairs, brakes and exhaust. It's more like crud and rust with a side oil and transmission fluid soaked into my hair. It was a good thing I had a helper. All I have to do now is teach her to fetch wrenches and sockets.For Father's Day I received from my loving children, the second season of The Munsters. Sweet. It has little documetaries on Fred Gwynne, Al Lewis, and Yvonne De Carlo. There is even a brief history about the show. They even tell of the Munsters' demise at the hands of Batman and Robin. At some point, the puppies even had time to type me up a nice little card which contained a cute rhyme about how they like to give daddy puppy punches in the crotch. Such sweet little angels.
On Tuesday I had a few extra minutes so I stopped and got my hair cut. It has been a while since the last time I had my ears lowered. Usually, I go once a month before I go to work, but sometimes the prospect of driving through the center of town and hitting all the busiest intersections, is just too annoying. So I will stretch it out for two months or so. This time I got it cut extra short on the sides and the back. Real nice and tight. Maybe now I won't have to use so much grease... I mean pomade. I don't think I had to comb my hair more than twice today, which is great cause it drives me nuts when my hair falls in my face or gets blow in my eyes when I'm driving. Absolutely bonkers.
This weekend should be fun. Three of my four nieces are having a group birthday party. A knee high ho-down orchestrated by my sister. She always tries to organize all these things for little kids parties. I don't get it. How are you going to kept order when you are feeding small children cake and soda. It's like J.R. says they are kids and what they want to do is run and play. The way I figure it, it's all a matter of feed them sugar, bounce vigorously, release the child at full tilt and duck for cover.
greasemonkey1320 at 4:23 AM
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
6-6-6
Okay, so a bunch of people have been hyping up this whole 6--6-06 thing. The Omen is being released in theaters. It's cool, but if that's the only evil/ satanic thing I'm going to see today, that's just sad. Nobody burst into flames at work, no devil clouds in the sky. I did however, have one person ask me why I didn't take today off. I just told him "Where else am I going to get human sacrifices?" I was about to be all bummed out about nothing evil happening, but then I saw this. Now those are what I call shit kickers. I think the only thing that would make them better, is when you put your foot in someone ass, they burst into flames. Hmm, I wonder if I can get a pair in steel toe?greasemonkey1320 at 5:45 AM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Is It Like This Everywhere?
This last weekend I actually had three days off. Three days in a row thanks to the holiday. I thought this would be a opportune time to work on the brakes on my truck, which had started abruptly steering itself towards the curb when ever I let go of the tiller. Not good. While I was working on the brakes, I figured I might as well do the exhaust too. Good thing I still had all those mufflers and pipes over in my parents garage.So, off I go to my parents to get the necessary parts. I get there and no one is home and I don't have my set of keys. Shit. I don't want to drive all the way back home to get the keys, so I call my brother, who just happens to be across the street, and he lets me in. I head out back to the garage and acquire my supplies and make my way to the car parked in front of the house. As I come to the front edge of the house I hear yelling coming from the people next door.
I turn to see what is going on. As my head turns, I see something that looks like the front end of a Buick, but is cratered like the moon. At this moment I realize that it is the 300 pound lady next door in a bathing suit. I quickly try to avert my eyes so that I won't go blind, only to see her beer bellied husband making his way towards their house...naked. As a jay bird. For the whole world to see. In plain sight of the entire neighborhood. I reel back in horror and make a hasty retreat to the safety of my car. In the background I can hear her screaming "God dammit! Don't you go in that house!" Seconds later I hear a screen door slam and little kids start screaming. The door slam again and he's back outside, still naked, still fighting with his wife. I got the hell out of there before the crew from COPS shows up.
Shit like that makes me wonder about the purpose of the human race. It makes me think that everyone I see out in public smokes crack. It's just one more thing that tells me that I'm right, and that 99.99% of the population is totally fucked.
Totally fucked. Like yesterday when I went to used the restroom at work. I work with a shop full of guys, so there is a varying degree of a lack of personal hygiene. I have the same grease in my hair for the week and some guys don't shower for two weeks. But what I discovered, would probly disgust even the smelliest of hillbillies. Upon entering the restroom facilities, I noticed a pile of black fabric laying in the floor next to the garbage can. Oh what the hell. That better not be what the fuck I thing that is. Damn it, it is. Some nasty son of a bitch shit his drawers, took them off and tossed them onto the floor. Absolutely fucking disgusting. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I feel like I'm surrounded by retards. What, did they think that this was okay? That the cleaning people should have to deal with this bullshit. I'm sure that cleaning offices isn't glamorous, but there is no reason they have to deal with this. So I do the noble thing, got a bucket of sawdust and a shovel, and scooped up the mess. Children. I'm dealing with a bunch of children. And to think that human beings are the dominant species on this planet. So civilized and intelligent. Right. At least cats will cover their shit up.
So, if you ever see me walking by, shooting the stink eye, you will now know why it is the public I despise.
greasemonkey1320 at 2:33 AM