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Monday, November 09, 2009

Stress Relief

After a shitty day at work, I have found that it relaxes me greatly to watch Dr. Strangelove. Man, I love a good movie with a happy ending, and seriously, how can you not love Slim Pickens.

greasemonkey1320 at 7:29 PM

0 People who tried the chili

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Pass the Depends

For the second time, in all too recent memory, I have seen a grown man shit himself in a public setting. Is this the start of some disturbing new trend? Is this what all the cool kids are doing? It's hip to crap your pants? Or has mankind just devolved to a new level of laziness?

greasemonkey1320 at 4:07 AM

6 People who tried the chili

Monday, October 16, 2006

Watch Yo Ass Baby!

After checking the site meter for the ol' Headquarters, I was shocked to find that many individuals (23%) have come to my blog in search of pervy pics. Beer can in the ass pictures to be more specific. At first I was shocked and confused as to how this could be linked to my site. After a little searching, I found the culprit. It seems some deviant left a link to Buttsex World in a comment. Now what kind of pervert would do such a thing?

Eventually, I started to wonder who was looking for butt sex photos and where were they from. I was shocked by the results of my investigation. I assumed that most of them would be from the south, like Texas or Alabama. Well I was wrong. While there were several from the south, a couple from the midwest, and a few international ones, the majority were from the upper east coast. The New York and Massachusetts areas to be more specific. Apparently there are a lot of twisted ass freaks out that way.

The moral of this story? Watch your ass. Especially out east.

greasemonkey1320 at 2:07 AM

4 People who tried the chili

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Where Did September Go?

There have been some big changes in my life in the past month. Lots of stuff keeping me busy and short on time to do much here beyond speeding through a couple sights there running out the door. At the beginning of September I was promoted to supervisor. Talk about a change of pace. Now I have to put down my hammer and tape measure, but in their place I get to break out the iron fist. Works for me though. It's not like I'm friends with the guys I work with. I'm happy to have more control over what goes on in the world around me. I'm so tired of all the bullshit and I'm ready to put a stop to it. Things are changing and for the better finally.

Tomorrow morning we get our fireplace inspected. If all goes well we will probly have a nice fire going in the evening. It's a good thing I've been stock piling fire wood over the summer. It's going to be hard to keep the cats away for the mantle though. Well at least until one of them burns it's ass on the glass doors. As soon as that thing gets going, all the animals are gonna draw to it like moths to a light. Hmm, kind of like a big bug zapper, but for your pets. You know one of them is gonna try to sniff it. The cats will be double dog daring each other to stick their tongues to it.

It's finally October and all the stores are putting out the best home decor. Skull candle holders, gargoyle statues, cob webs, a few tombstones, you know the home decorating essentials. Actually, I have not seen to many decent looking skulls in the stores lately. Most of them are kind of craft store hokey looking pieces. Not very realistic. Not so sinister as much as they are cheesy, but they still want twenty bucks for them. J.R. found some neat looking shrunken head tiki torches though. Maybe this year I can put some bigger tombstones out front without the fear of puppies eating them. Last year Hermione ate the little wooden fence and destroyed the tombstones I had. I still find bits and pieces of them in the yard. It's like they have a secret stash of things they shouldn't be chewwing on. Periodically leaving a few bits behind just to remind me how naughty they are.

greasemonkey1320 at 2:39 AM

3 People who tried the chili

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Whats Been Goin On

Over the past couple weeks I've had a few interesting days and a few annoying ones. Days like when we helped my parents clean up their yard and parting with my '63 Ford. A long day of dealing with a natural gas leak. Fortunately to balance things out, I got to spend a nice Sunday afternoon driving around with J.R. on a little adventure. We even took the tards with us.

The thing with my parents was some annoying bullshit. You see, my parents at some point decided to start hoarding stuff. Not useful stuff like 40+ year old car parts either. Nope. Not my parents. They started stockpiling stuff that other people were getting rid of. Stuff from my grandparents farm house. Shit they will never use. But that's just the half of it.

In the mean time they let their yard go to shit. So someone called the county health department and the village's code enforcement. So a couple days later I get this frantic call from my mom at 10 am. She's all worked up about how their neighbor turned them in, how she's out to get them, and how I need to get my truck out of their garage. She's borderline hysterical at this point.

I had previously offered to remove my truck from their garage. They declined due to the giant stack of shit they had piled in, around, and on top of my truck. You couldn't even see my truck under all this shit. But now it's this huge issue and my truck in her mind is the source of the problem. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure it's not the two unregistered cars (not mine mind you) in the driveway. Or the tree that was cut up in the middle of the driveway, or the waste high weeds along the garage. It's definitely not the swimming pool that the Creature from the Black Lagoon is using for a summer home. Nope. It must be my truck.

Anyway, long story short. I got my truck out of there. Unfortunately, at the point in time I had no place to store said truck, and only a short amount of time to deal with it. Having it parked in my yard was not an option as that would have put me well over there four car limit. So I did the dirty deed, and sent it to scrap yard. Considering that I had removed the entire drivetrain, the scrap yard didn't what to fess up any cash for the truck. Turns out they only give fifty bucks for a completely intact vehicle. That way they can part it out at twenty times what they paid for it. Sometimes I think I work in the wrong business.

A couple days later, a guy I know ruptured a gas line in his yard. He was putting in a new sidewalk and was laying out the forms for the cement. To hold it all in place he drove 3/8" rebar into the ground. About half way through he hit a 'rock'. He whacked the rebar again and all of a sudden that rock started hissing. The whole yard was quickly filled with the scent of rotten egg farts. I asked him if he had planned on hitting the gas main or if it was a spur of the moment decision. I don't think he saw the humor in that.

So, a few minutes later he got to call the gas company and tell them what happened. Funny, they didn't see the humor in it either. They came out and had it sealed the line in about an hour. They told him that they would finish replacing the line the next day. They also informed him that he would be receiving a fine for not calling JULIE. Somewhere in the neighborhood of one to five thousand dollars. For some reason I don't think he's gonna learn his lesson.

Last Sunday J.R. and I took a drive with the puppies. There was a church and an old car she wanted to show me. After that we were going to stop by a forest preserve and take the tards for a walk. We stopped to see the church first. It looks like an old frontier type church. Small, pleasant and easy on the eye. It actually looks kinda of small for the outside, but it holds between 100 and 130 people.

I'm not a religious person (most people consider me to be a heathen which is fine by me) and I'm definitely not a Christian by any means, but I still find the design of some churches interesting. Centuries old gothic churches, not the cookie cutter Christian learning center that just popped up with it's own mall attached to it. You know the one. It's right down the street from the beige people, living in their beige house in their beige neighborhood. Filled to the brim with all those born again hypocrites.

Sorry about that, started getting a little side tracked there. So after that we took the puppies for their much anticipated walk. I started walking Hermione, but after a few minutes I had to switch puppies and take Moo. Moo likes to tug and pull which is hard on J.R.'s arm. There is no doubt in my mind the that puppy will be able to pull an entire car some day. She's so small still but she pulls with the force of a tank. We took the down by the river so they could check it out. Ninny actually went into the water up to her knees. Moo on the other hand, wasn't having it. Maybe the river smelled to nasty for her tastes. She does seem to eat less cat poop than Ninny does.

On our return trip to drop off the tards at home we stopped to check out the car the J.R. saw. At first passing I didn't think to much of it, but upon closer inspection I became more interested. Unfortunately, there was a German Shepard running loose on the property, and with the tards in the car, I didn't feel like getting out to ask questions. After a little research, it was confirmed that it was indeed a Chevy. A 1954 Chevy to be more precise. Which model, I am not sure of. It is either A one-fifty, a two-ten, or possibly a Bel Air. They are all basically the same car just different trim options. At an asking price of $1800, it's right in my price range. The big questions are what's wrong with it and what's it missing. I plan on making a return trip next weekend to get some answers for the current owner. Hmm, I wonder if he's interested in a trade?

greasemonkey1320 at 6:04 AM

10 People who tried the chili

Sunday, August 13, 2006


Back in June I placed an order for pomade. I had previously ordered from this company with no problems. This time around it wasn't so. A month after I sent in my order, I still had not received my pomade. I sent repeated emails to the seller and got no response. I figured it to be a lost cause at this point, but I still needed pomade. So I place an order with a different company. They even had the brand that I use on sale. Could it get any better? They say it should arrive in two to three days. Perfect.

Fast forward three days. I go to the mailbox and sure as shit, there is my package. I pull it out, only to discover another box behind it. At first I thought it strange that they would send my order in two boxes. I didn't think I bought that much pomade. Then I notice that there are two different mailing labels on the boxes. The other box was from the company I ordered from back in June. I take both boxes inside and open them up. Between the two orders I now have a small stockpile of hair grease. Last time around the three cans that I ordered lasted for about a year. Something tells me I won't need to order again until 2010. Man, I hope they don't quit making it by then. Maybe I'll have to order some more in a few months. You know, just in case.

As an added bonus, I also got this neat switchblade comb. After showing it to J.R. she proclaimed that I was now Fonzie. Funny, I don't remember my office being in the mens room. But it may explain why I like the scent of new urinal cakes.

greasemonkey1320 at 12:38 AM

2 People who tried the chili

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Droppin' Like Flies

For the past couple of days, it has been 100+ degrees here. Toss in 85% humidity and you have the fixin's for one hell of a warm day. Everywhere I turn I hear about people getting sick from the heat or bailing out of their shift. People are acting like its never been warm before. Every day I go to work and wear the same thing each day. Heavy jeans, work boots, an A-shirt, a T-shirt, then finally my long sleeve work shirt, with the sleeves rolled down.

12 hours a day and I'm fine. 110 degrees in the shop. No air conditioning. I find it very amusing that people keep asking me how I work with a long sleeve shirt and jeans. Even with having three shirts on, I never sweat to the point that it starts to soak my shirts. The extra shirts actually seem to have a nice cooling effect. Some of the people I see are sweating buckets just walking around. Just the thought of physical labor would probly make them pass out.

Maybe it's just me, but I think this new generation coming into the workforce, is just totally fucked. It's like they have a contest going to see who can do the least amount of work. What ever happened to all the people that went to work every day, stayed for their whole shift, got shit done and actually took pride in their jobs? It seems that everyone just wants more money to do less work. Always looking for meal ticket or the next free ride. Well not on my dime you fucking freeloaders.

Some days I wish I could rally together all the true working stiffs in this country. Have them all band together to round up all these lazy shits and have them shipped off to shovel snow in the arctic or sweep the sand in the Sahara. Get them out of our way so that those of us who want to work will no longer have to trip over those who are asleep on the job. A chance to bring back the pride of the working class and turn away the white collar evil eye.

greasemonkey1320 at 4:27 AM

4 People who tried the chili